Sunshine Mary on Lazy Housewives

One of my favorite bloggers, Sunshine Mary, has a post on the matter of lazy housewives.  A big thank you to SSM for giving mention to The Working Home Keeper blog.  And no, she doesn't fancy me the lazy variety of housewife!  Lots of good discussion in the comments as well, so be sure to check it out.

If you're visiting from Sunshine Mary - welcome to my little blog!  Make yourself at home and have a look around.  Here is a bit of explanation about the blog:

Why a homemaking blog for working moms?  Don't they all have maid services and feed their families from drive-thrus?

While there are plenty of blogs and work-life balance sites focused on the "work" aspect of working motherhood, few focus on home.  I wanted to create a space to encourage working mothers in their most important job and purpose - caring for their families and homes.  The focus should always be homeward regardless of employment status.  I'm proud to say the readership of the blog is not just working mothers, but homemakers, stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms.  All who share a love for home and family.

So, why even work outside of the home?  Why not be a stay-at-home mom or full-time homemaker?

While I cannot answer for all working moms, I can speak for our situation.  In our marriage, my husband has the final say on all major decisions.  Having one income or two is one of those major decisions.  My husband felt the best way I could support him in my role as helpmeet, was to bring in additional income.  At some point, that may change.  But for now, I aim towards contentment in my role as a working home keeper.

What about the costs associated with working?

There are costs associated with working outside of the home.  However, we try to live frugally and well below our means.  We have been fortunate to avoid childcare expenses by having my mother live with us.  She has been living with us since our oldest child was four months old.  In addition to the child care savings, having a multi-generational home has been a great experience.  Our work clothes are thrifted, lunches packed and meals cooked from scratch.  We also live debt-free except for our mortgage (which is on track to be paid off completely in less than 10 years). 


In short, that is a bit about the blog!  Now, I have to get back to the kitchen.  It's a cold day and I have a pot of 12 bean soup on the stove and homemade French bread baking in the oven.  Till next time!

Mary Ellen

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Dark Girls Premieres on OWN



 

Tonight, the documentary Dark Girls will premiere on OWN at 10 PM Eastern.  Dark Girls explores the bias in the black community against women with darker skin.  For my husband (who is white), colorism is a concept that is difficult to grasp.  To him, any black woman - whether light hued, dark or in between - is simply black!  The tone of her skin doesn't matter.  It doesn't speak of the character of the person.  Certainly, not their level of attractiveness.  As a dark-skinned black woman, I understand the pain that stems from colorism.  Growing up, I knew I could be anything, with hard work and good grades!  Anything that is, but beautiful, attractive, desirable.  Pretty was not the domain of girls like me.  While there should be more to a girl's life than her looks, we all know a certain degree of a young girl's self esteem comes from validation of the external.  For me, it took moving away from familial circles and into more diverse environments to find a space where my dark skin (and even my weight) were not a mark against me.  And, more importantly personal healing and self acceptance. 

 

It saddens me in this day and time, when we have a gorgeous, dark-skinned woman as First Lady, there are still little girls feeling and experiencing the hurt of colorism.  That don't want to exist in the beautiful, brown skin that God so wonderfully made them in. 



Mary Ellen

It's My Birthday!

Sunday Picnic at NC State

GO PACK!

The kids have been wanting to go on a picnic this summer.  They've also wanted to go walk around the NC State campus to see where Daddy & Mommy met and fell in love!  So this weekend, we decided to kill two birds with one stone - a picnic at NC State!

We loaded up a basket with homemade sandwiches (Ashleigh helped me wrap them), baggies of chips and some lemonade.

And homemade brownies for something sweet! 

For our picnic, we chose a spot overlooking the Court of (North) Carolina. 
 

Dave recalls having many religion classes at this outdoor classroom near the Court.  When I met Dave, he already had a degree in Management, but was pursuing a second degree in Religious Studies.  His plan at the time was to go onto seminary after undergrad.  So, I was "almost" a preacher's wife!  But, he decided later not to follow that path.

Walking across the Court towards the rest of the campus

This is Daniels Hall, the Electrical Engineering building.  When I was accepted into NC State as a senior in high school, I was accepted into the Electrical & Computer Engineering program.  However, I quickly found out my brain is not compatible with engineering, so I changed majors!  But some of my first classes as a freshman were at Daniels Hall.

This is Harrelson Hall, a completely circular building.  My math classes were here, as well as some other electives.  The first floor of Harrelson currently houses the campus bookstore.

Looking out onto the Brickyard.  I remember walking out here between classes for lunch.  The student center here had the best taco salads!  This was also where you would find Gary the Brickyard Preacher.  He would basically yell we were all heathens that were going to hell!

 

DH Hill, the main campus library.  We went inside, partly to cool off from all our walking!  The inside has been updated with lots of modern decor, complete with a bunch of swivel egg pod chairs and touch screen tables.  There's also now an ice cream shop, downstairs snack bar and tons of lounge/study areas.  I briefly held a job at the library stacking books, then working in the inter-library loan department. 

Leaving the Brickyard, we headed to central campus via the Free Expression Tunnel.  

As its name implies, the tunnel is an area where students are allowed to express themselves.  The kids thought it was so cool you could spray paint on the walls without getting in trouble!

Leaving the tunnel, we saw some changes to this part of campus.  The student c-store (convenience store) and bookstore building had been torn down as part of an expansion project for the Talley student center.  These cool metal wolf sculptures are also new additions.

And this is my old dorm, Carroll Hall.  When I came to NC State as a freshman, the dorm was all girls.  But, by my sophomore year, it became co-ed.

And directly across from my dorm, was Dave's dorm Owen Hall.  Similar to Carroll, it was all guys initially, but later became co-ed.  Dave was an RA (resident advisor) at Owen and has many fond memories of hanging out with his friends and fellow RAs.  Dave was able to get a peek inside the dorm and was saddened to find the Owen 50th Anniversary mural that was painted while he was living there, had been painted over.

And this is Tucker Beach were people would play volleyball, throw around frisbees and lay out.  The building on the other side is Tucker Hall and where most people on this side of campus went to use the computer lab. 

Heading back towards our car, we walked by Reynolds Coliseum.  Before the larger arena was built off campus, this was where the Men's Basketball team played their home games. 

And of course a tour of the campus is not complete without going to the Bell Tower.  The tower was built as a monument to honor alumni that died in World War I.  There are no actual bells in the tower.  It has an electronic chime system which sounds off every hour.  However, a student movement was started back in 2008 to raise money for actual bells!   

Mary Ellen

Loving Day

Richard & Mildred Loving

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Today is Loving Day, which marks the anniversary of Loving v. Virginia.  The Supreme Court decision which legalized interracial marriage in the United States.  As you may know (or at least have gathered from the family photos I've shared), my husband and I are an interracial couple (married 11 years and counting!) and raising our three biracial children.  I'm happy we live in a time much different than that of Mr. & Mrs. Loving.  While some antiquated attitudes may still exist in the hearts and minds of a few, most people understand the love shared between a man and a woman of different races is no different than that of a same race couple.

 In honor of Loving Day, I thought I'd share a little bit about our own "swirling" experience!

How We Met

Dave and I met in college my sophomore year through a mutual guy friend.  One day out of the blue, this guy told me he had a friend that thought I was cute.  I didn't realize at the time that Dave had relayed this to the guy a year earlier!  I'm not sure why the delay in getting this vital information back to me LOL!  But after being introduced and exchanging glances across the dining hall, Dave asked me out.  Our first date was to an Italian restaurant across the street from campus.  Unbeknownst to me, Dave was so nervous he wrote down topics of discussion on index cards.  He excused himself to the bathroom at one point in our date to check his cards.  Apparently we had covered all the topics in the first 30 minutes of the date!  After that, we went to see a movie on campus (Liar, Liar with Jim Carrey).

After dating exclusively for a few years, we became engaged while still in college.  And then married in September 2000.

How Did Our Families React

 There really wasn't any "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" moment with my family!  My older sisters had dated interracially, so it wasn't shocking to my parents to see their daughter bring home a white guy.  My parents were much more concerned with Dave's character than his color.  In Dave's family, his mother and siblings were very supportive.  Although his mother was worried we may be met with hostile attitudes especially here in the South.  His stepfather on the other hand, did not agree with us marrying.  But Dave's actual father and grandmother, who live out of state, were very supportive and even made the trip down for our big day.  Dave and I decided to focus on the family and friends that did support us and not the lone dissenting voice.  It didn't stop us from getting married and it hasn't stopped us from getting on about our life.  Plus, I'm not in the business of changing hearts.  I'll leave that to God!

 Do People Stare?

 Of course!  But not in the way you might think.  Most people come up to us and tell us they think we have a beautiful family or that the kids are gorgeous.  And there are stares and compliments regarding my vintage inspired dresses and hairstyles, but that's another subject!

Does Being Different Races Cause Conflict Within Our Marriage?

 No!  I can't think of one single moment where race has been an issue between us.  We were raised similarly (both from two parent Christian homes) and share like values.  Race is just not an issue for us as individuals or as a couple. I don't filter my perception of the world through my race, and neither does my husband.

What About the Children?

Well, they're beautiful, happy, healthy and growing like weeds!  But seriously, the children understand they are both white & black.  Fortunately where we live, there are plenty of families just like ours.  So, we're not unique!  Our kids understand that what is more important than skin color is what is in someone's heart.  And that we're all loved and treasured in the eyes of God.

Happy Loving Day!

Mary Ellen        

How I Became A Dress Every Day Kind of Girl

Ashleigh has taken to wearing more dresses and skirts on her own since I made the change to wearing dresses every day

From my "What I Wore to Work" posts, you know I wear dresses and skirts every day to work.  However, you may be surprised to learn that I'm usually in dresses and heels on my off days as well.  But it wasn't always that way.  My wardrobe used to consist of khakis, cords and few dress pants for work and jeans for the weekends.  Last Spring, my company began the process of changing database and web providers.  The initial phase began with three days of meetings for key users.  Typically I'm not involved in such meetings, but my manager thought it best I sit in (oh joy!).  Since we were meeting with outside vendors, I decided to pull out the only three dresses I owned.  And that's when the change happened!

Wearing my dresses, I felt more feminine.  Dave noticed too!  He started telling me how beautiful I looked in the mornings before work.  And I started to feel more positive about my appearance as well.  While I don't seek the attentions of any man other than my husband, I couldn't help but notice more doors were opened for me and that more kind smiles and compliments were offered.  Even a woman executive in our office told me it was nice to see someone wearing a dress as so few women in our office did anymore.   

Well, the meetings ended but the dresses stayed!  I slowly started rebuilding my wardrobe inexpensively by buying dresses and skirts from Goodwill.  I sought out A-line dresses and skirts at first since the style is flattering on most body types.  More recently I've taken to buying modern dresses with a more retro/vintage feel.  Most of my jeans and dress pants were donated to Goodwill or given away to friends.  I've only got a few pairs of jeans in my closet now (which probably don't fit anymore!) that I haven't worn in over a year.  

There are so many messages today which try to deny the differences between men and women.  Or blur the lines between what is feminine and what is masculine.  I enjoy expressing my femininity by wearing only dresses.  After all, God fearfully and wonderfully made me a woman!

Mary Ellen  

Celebrating the Domestic Side of Working Motherhood

Signs of Fall are popping up everywhere!  Beautiful yellow mums and bright orange pumpkins.  It inspired me to change over to my Fall blog header.  While I was changing the header, I decided to change my blog tagline.  It used to read "the life of a working mother & home keeper".  But now it says, "celebrating the domestic side of working motherhood."  While this blog will most certainly continue to be about my life, I realized that I didn't really blog much about work.  Most of my posts are about home because truly that is where my heart is.

Even though I work full-time outside of the home, I'm not a feminist or careerist.  Work is just something I do for several hours during the day.  I work because my husband feels it is best in this season of our family's life for me to contribute financially {Epshesians 5:24 - ...wives should submit to their husbands in everything}.  And because my income will allow us to reach our long-term financial goals sooner, such as becoming mortgage debt-free before our children go to college.  But my work doesn't define me.  I don't even consider it to be the most important thing I do in my day.  I'm good at my job, but I know the world would continue to spin even if I wasn't there doing it!

My focus, my number one priority is my family and my home.  Working outside of the home does not change that fact - for me or for any working mother.  All the day-to-day work involved in running a home is still up to me.  And this is where I hope to celebrate the domestic side of my life!

Mary Ellen    

About Me

My name is Mary Ellen and I'm a full-time mother of 3 (ages 6, 4 and 2) and work full-time outside of the home. Seem like an oxymoron? Not exactly! Just like our stay-at-home counterparts, working mothers are also the head chefs, chauffeurs, calendar keepers, maids, classroom volunteers, boo-boo kissers and Chief Executives of our homes. Managing both home and work is a difficult and delicate balancing act. But through God's grace, I'm learning to grow in my roles as wife, mother and home keeper. And discovering that those roles are not diminished by working outside of the home.

Thank you for visiting The Working Home Keeper blog!